"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
wow bdsm is so cute
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Randomize
