just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Randomize
