so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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