I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Randomize
