you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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