I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Randomize