Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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