im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Can you bring me the toilet please
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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