At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Randomize
