The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
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