You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
