Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
