i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Randomize
