Pappa wants mamma naked
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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