Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
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I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
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