Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
