then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
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