I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
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