He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
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