someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
stop calling my apartment porn island.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Randomize
