Where are you?
In a non slutty way
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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