She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
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