Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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