i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
