If i come over, it means nothing
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
