At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
