well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
he shaved USA in his pubs
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Randomize
