Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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