3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
All the doctor said was why
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
