I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
