are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Randomize
