my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
a search helicopter?!
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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