We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
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