I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
