Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
I look better un-naked...
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
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