But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
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