why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Randomize
