im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
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