Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
