:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
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