Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
So many bounce houses so little time
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
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