dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
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