Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
