My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
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