Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
