I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
