New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Randomize
