You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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