Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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