Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
