you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Randomize
