An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
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