Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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