i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
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