phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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