I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Randomize
